I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
