hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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