she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
