i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
