areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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