Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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