okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
