just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
