i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize