Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have tasted many bathrooms
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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