What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
