my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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