i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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