Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
