In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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