The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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