just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
