Who wears a wallet chain?!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize