my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
