You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
