She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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