Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
