I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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