why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
