How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
