Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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