This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
