Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
