So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize