Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
