Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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