I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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