I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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