i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
