I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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