What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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