I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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