Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
