I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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