I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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