You really coming over, don't trick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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