I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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