She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
