I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
