At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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