my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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