Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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