You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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