and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
