Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
