Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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