i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
