okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
