dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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