Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
