I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
