I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
