god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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