I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
