if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
