I'm so fucking centered right now
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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