he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
