went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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