you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
