R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Randomize
