Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
