Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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