The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
