I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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