im six kinds of drunk right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
