you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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