I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
