My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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