Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
