Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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