After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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