so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
