I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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