her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
