Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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