the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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