just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
