Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
