That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
