My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
