i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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