just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize