dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
