i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
