PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
