piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
