Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
