I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
