Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
