Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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