You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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