she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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