can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
