You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
