i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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