Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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