Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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