If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
