So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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