he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
