I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
