I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
